her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize
