Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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