Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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