I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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