Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
