So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
