I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
