cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
