lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
operation harelip BJ is a go
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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