How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
