I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Randomize
