Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
