M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
