What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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