my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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