Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
