New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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