remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
