Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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