Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
