I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
