You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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