do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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