dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
