I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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