No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
