i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
