Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
