My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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