I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
