i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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