I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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