kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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