He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
