I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Less talking, more tequila
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
