i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
