My brain says no but my pants say off.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
