i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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