Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
