OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
