HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
