If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
