My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
