I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
