Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
