I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
