im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
