Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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