so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Randomize
