Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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