i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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