I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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