every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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