If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
