I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
