The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
