It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize