Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
