She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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