who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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