Ketchup is God's man juice
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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