ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
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That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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