I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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