How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
