i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
