that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
