on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
