Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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