another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
