Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
