i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
