dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
