You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
