I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
