not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
