Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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