last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Boobs speak an international language.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
They have beer where we have blood.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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