Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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