i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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