hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
