So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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