There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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