I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
