The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We have so much sex to catch up on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
