Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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