I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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